An ode to solitude and tools to honor the Winter Solstice.

It’s five thirty am, and as I write this, the deep blue fabric of night is draped across my home. I’ve had a glorious six days at my Austin house–the longest I’ve stayed here consecutively since September, and I am looking forward to a slow and delicious Sunday with no plans, action items or agendas. Today marks the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year marked by darkness. But whenever my schedule allows, I treat a day off like this day; an invitation for stillness, solitude, and deep reflection. 

I’ve taken over 80 flights this year, criss-crossing the country (and occasionally, the world) for my work. I’ve performed nearly 100 shows, mostly for brands or corporate events; my solo show tour only started last month. I’ve also got to work with nine of my consulting clients in real life, hosting workshops or executive leadership sessions in their offices, an opportunity I welcome because I still feel like my work is best experienced in person.

Traveling is quite important to me. I find so much inspiration from being in new places, and generally enjoy the pace of it. But after it all, I need to retreat before I can start again, if only a couple of hours. And so this year has become marked with whirlwind journeys followed by periods of solitude, moments that have felt so nourishing and intoxicating, I’m desiring more in the following year. 

These days are nothing fancy, which makes them so profound. I’ve found ritual in unpacking and repacking my bags, tending to my plants, and giving my dog, who has spent as much time away from me as with me this year, undivided attention. I appreciate the routine of doing errands, laundry, cleaning, enjoying the consistency of place. I birdwatch or paint, two hobbies that have replaced how I once approached magic before it became my career. I’ve been working hard to reduce my screen time, so my phone often ends up between the couch cushions or tangled in the dirty laundry, a welcome shift from being clutched in my hand as it sherpas me from taxi to plane, hotel to venue, and back again. And it’s most conducive to good work–it’s the only way I can write, and I developed most of my show in the depths of stillness and solitude.

I’ve always been a loner. As a child, I spent most days curled up with a book or exploring the scattered patch of woods in our front yard, digging for reluctant salamanders with a stick. I was considered advanced for my age, so in elementary school, I spent part of the day with a teacher’s aide working on different curriculum, watching my classroom continue their lessons as a group from afar. This made it challenging for me to stay in a consistent social group, and engage in extracurriculars. As I’ve aged, developed incredible friendships, and found my work rooted in community, my days are quite different. But I’ve also become more connected to the girl whose inner world was her only world. When I retreat, I can understand myself in a more nuanced way, and step back into an inner world I’ve been cultivating with care since I was a small, tender thing.

I wonder how much of this desire for solitude is rooted in my neurodivergence, a thought that Fariha Róisín reminded me of in her recent Substack post. She, too, feels a sense of stress with the expectation that technology brings of being available all the time, and the uselessness of texting without meaning. I’m sure it applies to me, too, as someone who’s never quite felt comfortable in social settings. But after chatting with my friends who are also performers, teachers, or facilitators (the same work masquerading as different), I think the lifestyle, too, calls this in. We’re all using solitude to remind ourselves where the world ends, and we begin, reinforcing the borders of our selves so we feel more resourced to share when we’re on again.

It might be a strange prompt to read in the midst of the holiday busyness, but on the solstice, I’d like to honor the practice of solitude and the nourishment it can provide. It’s a necessary and welcomed part of how we can be more deeply rooted in community. Whether you’re spending the holiday season solo by choice or circumstance, I see you, and I hope you’re finding beauty in the inner world you’re cultivating. The world needs you, in your fullest expression, and welcomes your return when you’re ready.

• 6 Ways to Celebrate the Winter Solstice, outdoors (Outside Magazine)

• 9 Winter Solstice Rituals for an Intentional Celebration (Vogue)

• Gogo Zanemvula discusses ancient African practices that our ancestors took part in during the winter solstice and the winter season (YouTube)

• Join Kerri Kelly for a free virtual winter solstice practice this afternoon (Kerri Kelly)

• Acknowledging the Winter Solstice is a Decolonial Act for Indigenous People (NDN Collective)

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